- What is the most common mistake parents make after they have children when it comes to putting their relationship on the priority list?
Great question! One of the most common mistakes parents make after having kids is this: they neglect their “us” for the sake of the children. They become all parent, all the time. They let date night become far too infrequent. They stop flirting. Their conversations become too much about poop and carpools and who’s-doing-what within the daily routine. They move in different directions once the kids are in bed: one to Netflix on the couch, another to their book in bed. Essentially, they de-romance their relationship. And most of the time, they do it unconsciously! No one intentionally wants to allow the spark to fizzle out. But it’s quite easy to do within the rigorous, and yet also routine, demands of parenting.
2. What advice do you have for Moms or Dads who do want to keep the relationship with their spouse spicy but after a long day intimacy is put on the back burner?
I always say, start small with daily practices that organically bring back a hint of that lovin’ feeling. Intimacy and sexual creativity will return, but not if you’re putting a TON of pressure on yourselves to rush to get there. Here are a few ideas to rekindle the romance first, and on the daily:
- Kiss more. Kiss your partner at least 5 times every day for a week and see what happens.
- Make a surprise gesture: Do something out of the ordinary once a week that’ll make one another feel your adoration + admiration. Could be as simple as a love note or sexy text, gifting a favorite candy bar or doing a favor without being asked.
- Touch Each Other Without Expectation: Make a commitment with your partner to touch more throughout the day without the expectation that things will go further. Lean into one another’s touch, feel your energies connect, and simply take a moment together, body-to-body.
The idea here is that you keep passion alive by making conscious connection a priority. Soon enough, these subtle hints of romance and intimacy will lead to having more organic desire for another, and hopefully more enthusiasm to make love!
- What is your book, The Mommy Mojo Makeover, all about?
This book is a loving and practical guide to help women integrate their sensuality within the reality of their lives as mothers. It’s SO easy to forget your sensuality and become disconnected from your sexuality within the experience of motherhood. But when we ignore this part of ourselves — and our relationship — we fail to access a deep source of energy and pleasure within ourselves. And it’s that energy and pleasure that is the rocket fuel that gives us the vitality and stamina we absolutely NEED to handle the intense demands of motherhood. But not just to “handle” them, to enjoy them from a place of abundance instead of depletion.
The book contains 28 bite-sized tools, lessons and exercises that show you, step-by-step, how to feel like your most confident self, how to reawaken your libido (no matter how long it’s been M.I.A!), how to communicate better with your spouse, how to create a more exciting and creative sex life… and overall, just how to experience more fun, freedom and fulfillment in all aspects of your life.
I wrote it based on my own need to reinvent myself (and my libido!) after having two babies. Because feeling like the cliche “sexless mother” was not something I was willing to settle for. When I hit my “mommy rock bottom”, I put myself through a bootcamp of sorts. I took everything I knew from my 15 years of experience in the sexual wellness industry — and looked at it through the lens of motherhood and parenting. The tools I created truly changed my life and relationship, and I became super passionate to share them with other moms… so that they too could feel more confident, satisfied and sexy, within themselves and their relationships.
The book is my love letter to mamas everywhere. It’s my manifesto for sexy, modern motherhood and marriage. It’s a pathway back to YOU, and forward into a relationship that thrills and turns you, year after year, kid after kid!
- Could you share a little about The Satisfied Mama course and what it is and how it has inspired women?
Sure! A big part of what drives me is connecting with other mothers at live events and workshops — and inspiring them in real time with my Mommy Mojo Makeover method. But, I’m only one person (with two children!) and so I can’t be everywhere I want to be, reaching as many women as I’d like to in person. I decided to bring my best tools and lessons — and the experience of being “with me” in a room — to life in an online program called The Satisfied Mama.
The program addresses all the most common ‘blocks’ a mom experiences, like challenges to her body confidence, resentment in her relationship, low libido, exhaustion, communication breakdowns, a decline in romance and more. There are 39 video lessons, as well as an accompanying guidebook, that’ll help you create a more complete, fulfilling and enjoyable experience of your relationship, motherhood and life!
The program is done on your own time, because I know every mom is busy juggling a million things, and even if you only dedicate 20 minutes a week to it, you’ll still experience authentic change.
There’s also a private online community for all those who join, where you have access to me to answer your questions, connect with other mamas, and receive the support you desire.
You can learn more about it here: www.danabmyers.com/satisfied
- What are three things you wish you knew before you had children that helps motivate keeping the relationship between you and your significant other healthy and not forget each other?
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- Make intimacy INTENTIONAL. It’s one thing when two people first get together and the chemistry is alive and kicking. Sex is spontaneous and doesn’t require any planning. But as the years go by, and the kids multiply, it’s important to become more intentional about romance — and about lovemaking itself. That may mean you set aside one day a week, every week, where you get the kids out of the house and you and your partner get to be together as adults, and make love with intention. Each week, this standing, intentional “sex date” becomes something you both look forward to, something you bring creativity and collaboration to. You can explore the questions: What kind of sex do we want to have this week? What accessory do we want to try? What new position or fantasy? This kind of intentional communication and approach helps keep the freshness and creativity alive, year after year.
- Make intimacy INTENTIONAL. It’s one thing when two people first get together and the chemistry is alive and kicking. Sex is spontaneous and doesn’t require any planning. But as the years go by, and the kids multiply, it’s important to become more intentional about romance — and about lovemaking itself. That may mean you set aside one day a week, every week, where you get the kids out of the house and you and your partner get to be together as adults, and make love with intention. Each week, this standing, intentional “sex date” becomes something you both look forward to, something you bring creativity and collaboration to. You can explore the questions: What kind of sex do we want to have this week? What accessory do we want to try? What new position or fantasy? This kind of intentional communication and approach helps keep the freshness and creativity alive, year after year.
- Air out your resentment. Resentment is on the opposite side of the spectrum from attraction. And it is VERY hard to nurture an active, healthy and satisfying sex life if either one of you is simmering with resentment. So — identify the unmet need (or needs!) that are causing each of you to feel resentment. Open and honestly communicate those needs to each other, whatever those things may be that would help to heal your resentment… and then, meet each other’s needs to the best of your abilities. And KEEP DOING THAT, again and again. It may feel very uncomfortable to openly discuss your resentments in this way, but it is SO healing and so very important to keep your relationship healthy.
- Have FUN together! Fun is the gateway drug to happiness. And it’s so necessary to continue having fun together, as adults, outside your roles as hands-on parents. Seek out concerts, events, exhibits… Try new things… Look for ways to laugh together! As you lean so deeply into the role of service to your kids, it’s just as important to fuel yourselves as a couple with the excitement, surprise and escapism of having fun together. It’ll continue to fill up your tank as a couple!
IG HANDLE:
@danamyersxoxo